Closing The Gap
In April of this year, I was three months pregnant when the ultrasound tech confirmed there was no movement or heartbeat. What followed was unspeakable grief as our family of four processed the disappointment. I spoke with Pastor Celeste during that time and she said something to me that made me think. “Everyone grieves differently. Some turn away from God, and some draw closer to Him. We have to figure out how we close that gap.” So, what makes the difference between the woman who moves closer to God and the one who moves away from Him when hard things hit?
I haven’t always known Christ. In fact, I was raised in a devoted Buddhist home. At 23, I met my now-husband, who was Christian. His constant example and godly care for me over a full decade was a catalyst for me to clearly understand who Jesus is. It resulted in an earnest desire for me to have a relationship with God for myself. Although I had raised my hand and prayed the salvation prayer many times, it wasn’t until 2018 that I felt God speak to me directly about moving even closer to Him through water baptism. This act of obedience and public profession of my faith was a turning point. I began to put God first in all areas of my life with great confidence and peace.
Church was now a non-negotiable and worship was our family’s soundtrack on continuous play. I read the Bible in a year, we attended a small group and served at church regularly. In every seemingly small act of obedience, little by little my faith grew. James 4:8 says, “Move your heart closer and closer to God, He will come even closer to you.” I’ve learned that when you go all-in with God, He’ll go all-in with you. Year by year, I began collecting His good works in me and stocking up my spiritual pantry.
The day I miscarried, I reached for my Bible and God spoke to me right away through Romans 5:3-5. In His kindness, He ministered these words: “But that’s not all!” He said, “Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us a patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope!” And on He went, “Daughter, you have joyful confidence, which is an active verb! It’s operating in you right now!” In that moment, even through shock and grief, I felt my heart reach into that stocked spiritual pantry remembering all that God has already done for me. As a result, I could feel joyful confidence, patient endurance, and hope once again. It was amazing to know that even though I still had to feel the pain of loss, God was right there holding me and reminding me to stay present and embrace the many joys in my life – my amazing children, husband, home, church, community and most importantly my God.
It's important to store up God’s good workings in our lives that are available to us: His Word, Worship, miracles, community, church, family, and discipleship. When we do this, the hard things that will inevitably hit us, will not derail us. We can be the woman who closes the gap and moves closer to God in hardship. We can know exactly where our help comes from, and we can run towards God, discovering His peace that goes beyond understanding. My friend, know with certainty that you can overcome anything with Jesus by your side, close the gap!
By: Natalia Kim