First Love: Butterflies and Birth

By Pastor Abby Lee 

You might have just read my title and thought, “Well, that’s a weird title” – and it definitely is (LOL) ..so let me explain.

I met my husband in December of 2013. Time does fly. But I remember the day I met him like it was yesterday. I remember where we were sitting at the Mexican restaurant with all our friends; I remember what he was wearing; I remember our conversation; I remember the way he laughed; I remember thinking this was one of the best nights because I got to meet this amazing guy. I remember it all.

I had never been in love with anyone before Tanner, so falling in love with him has always been so real and significant to me. I remember the butterflies I had on our first date, the butterflies I got when he asked me to be his girlfriend, the butterflies I had when he got down on one knee and proposed, and the butterflies I felt walking down the aisle the day of our wedding. What an amazing feeling! First love and forever love. I still have butterflies to this day.

However, something happened to our love on September 10, 2021. We had the wildest, most life-changing, incredible experience of our lives. It was the day I gave birth to our son, Josiah.

I will never forget those moments with Tanner. The way he held my hand through the contractions while tears streamed down my face. Cheering me on as I endured one of the most painful experiences of my life, him passing out (yes, you did read that correctly). He was accidentally holding his breath every time I would push. The nurse had to bring him Sprite and apple juice to get him back in the game haha!

But then, when our son was born, and they laid him on my chest, I will always cherish looking up and seeing my husband. It wasn’t just butterflies that I felt, but a depth of love for him that I had never experienced before. Laying on a hospital bed giving birth isn’t romantic – but it changes how you love. Our marriage has never been the same since that day. And I wouldn’t change one thing about it.

Now why am I saying all of this?

Our life with God can sometimes feel like it goes from butterflies to birth.

When you first give your heart to Jesus there is a passion and fire that you feel for God - it changes everything. I remember the first time scripture came alive for me; the first time I experienced the presence of God. Those moments marked me forever. That first love you have with God changes who you are.

But when life hits you with sickness, heartbreak, or disappointment, your love for God can feel tested. Because “birth” is painful. Birth changes who you are. Birth is uncomfortable.

But it is in the pain, it is in the heartbreak, it is in the disappointment that your love and devotion to God can have a depth that you have never experienced before.

I love David in the Bible. I love how we see his journey with God through the Psalms. David constantly lives in the back and forth between butterflies and birth. Just as he has delivered his people from Goliath, he hides in the mountains, fighting for his life. Just as he is anointed King, he is getting spears thrown at his head by Saul. David understood the beautiful and painful moments that define our journey with God. He writes in Psalm 34 -

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

   He delivers them from all their troubles.

 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Maybe today as you read this, you are discouraged with your relationship with God. The pain you have been experiencing has perhaps made God feel distant or far away. I want to encourage you today that God is close to your pain. He is right next to you, offering a depth of love to you that you never had before. 

Embrace this season of pain – let it change you. Let it show you that God’s love is near. He wants to be with you in the butterfly seasons and birth seasons.

Your first love --  Your forever love.